The US authorities had obviously called ahead and alerted the UK that I may be carrying a WMD (wig of mass distraction).
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Crap Elvis is OK in the UK
A quick photo blast for you since arriving in the UK a few days ago. No time for details so make your own captions up for now! Heading to Austria tomorrow for Euro 08 football action.
The US authorities had obviously called ahead and alerted the UK that I may be carrying a WMD (wig of mass distraction).
The US authorities had obviously called ahead and alerted the UK that I may be carrying a WMD (wig of mass distraction).
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Crap Elvis in New York - The Big Crapple
Well it all started off fairly normally (ie get to prime tourist spot wearing dodgy Elvis suit and bad wig) and the regulation photo was taken. Although no-one else seemed to appreciate the irony of the American authorities having now taken away the right to go up something called the Statue of Liberty.
..but then having weaved in and out of traffic at Times Square, my theory that I may be a "person of interest" (I was strangely singled out for the random check during each trip through customs - and you try finding a believable excuse for wearing this outfit. "Sorry officer, it's the only thing I had clean in the wardrobe") was strengthened with this interesting turn of events.
A man who likes to take his clothes off in public...and the Naked Cowboy.
Beer and baseball at Yankee stadium. I couldn't be living the American dream more if I was shooting someone in self defense, saying "have a nice day", holding a 3 quarter pounder burger, and placing a vote in Florida that wouldn't be counted.
Whilst riding the Subway, someone looked at me and then offered me the disabled seat.
Let's play Spot The Tourist
..but then having weaved in and out of traffic at Times Square, my theory that I may be a "person of interest" (I was strangely singled out for the random check during each trip through customs - and you try finding a believable excuse for wearing this outfit. "Sorry officer, it's the only thing I had clean in the wardrobe") was strengthened with this interesting turn of events.
A man who likes to take his clothes off in public...and the Naked Cowboy.
Beer and baseball at Yankee stadium. I couldn't be living the American dream more if I was shooting someone in self defense, saying "have a nice day", holding a 3 quarter pounder burger, and placing a vote in Florida that wouldn't be counted.
Whilst riding the Subway, someone looked at me and then offered me the disabled seat.
Let's play Spot The Tourist
Crap Elvis goes to Vegas and a big hole
They say "what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas". I stayed in Vegas, but I'm not sure if I happened. I'm so confused.
Yes, I gambled. A total of $7 and walked away with $11. I took on the casinos and beat them. I'm bringing down the house. They must have been on to me, coz they didn't comp me. Fortunately I got out before they dragged me off to the little unmarked room at the back.
How embarrasing - they both went out that night in the same dress...
It's a canyon, and it's grand. Up to that point I'd always been told that Adelaide was the biggest hole in the world.
Moments after the photo I threw him over the edge.
Yes, I gambled. A total of $7 and walked away with $11. I took on the casinos and beat them. I'm bringing down the house. They must have been on to me, coz they didn't comp me. Fortunately I got out before they dragged me off to the little unmarked room at the back.
How embarrasing - they both went out that night in the same dress...
It's a canyon, and it's grand. Up to that point I'd always been told that Adelaide was the biggest hole in the world.
Moments after the photo I threw him over the edge.
Crappy goes to Hollywood - Crap Elvis in LA
It was only a matter of time...
After finally finishing a few weeks in Mexico it was onto LA -out with the tacos, in with the tacky.
Finally somewhere I wouldn't look out of place. And the celebrity scene didn't disappoint with a sighting of Aussie movie star Guy Pearce just 2 hours after arriving (was in the queue behind him at The Roxy to see Russell Brand), and also singer kd lang and actor John Stamos popping up elsewhere - although originally I mistook kd lang for John Stamos, and John Stamos for kd Lang. I'm sure that happens all the time.
Outside Graumans Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard, where lots of amazing lookalikes hang out. Apparently I wasn't seen as a threat.
Best thing I heard whilst hanging out outside the theatre was "That Elvis looks nothing like him, they're so much better in Vegas." I didn't feel the need to spoil their disappointment with an explanation.
Ooh, itchy wig.
Spent a couple of days in the gym to help the local team out.
Also spent some time in Sequoia National Park, home of the world's largest tree. The one below is called "The President." Although surely it would make more sense if "The President" was a bush.
Trees are evil, they make people do bad things.
After finally finishing a few weeks in Mexico it was onto LA -out with the tacos, in with the tacky.
Finally somewhere I wouldn't look out of place. And the celebrity scene didn't disappoint with a sighting of Aussie movie star Guy Pearce just 2 hours after arriving (was in the queue behind him at The Roxy to see Russell Brand), and also singer kd lang and actor John Stamos popping up elsewhere - although originally I mistook kd lang for John Stamos, and John Stamos for kd Lang. I'm sure that happens all the time.
Outside Graumans Chinese Theatre on Hollywood Boulevard, where lots of amazing lookalikes hang out. Apparently I wasn't seen as a threat.
Best thing I heard whilst hanging out outside the theatre was "That Elvis looks nothing like him, they're so much better in Vegas." I didn't feel the need to spoil their disappointment with an explanation.
Ooh, itchy wig.
Spent a couple of days in the gym to help the local team out.
Also spent some time in Sequoia National Park, home of the world's largest tree. The one below is called "The President." Although surely it would make more sense if "The President" was a bush.
Trees are evil, they make people do bad things.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Crap Elvis gets to the point in Mexico (of another bloody pyramid)
OK, actually playing catch-up on the blog at the mo as have just arrived in the UK. But still have a few unaccounted weeks to post up here. So here's more from Mexico, then will try and whack the stuff from the US up in the next couple of days...please pretend you care.
Pssst...wanna buy a pyramid?
Well, I thought I'd seen the one "if you only see one historical site in Mexico, you must see this" historical site in Mexico, but by the time I got to the ancient city of Teotihuacan, it was already my third. However, people trying to justify me having to see it, kept pointing out that this one was built by the Aztecs as opposed to the Mayans. Well try explaining that to Arthur Ramsbottom, world spot-the-difference champion, who is still stumped. They're big, they're amazing, they look the same. Show me one built by the ancient Ikea-ans put together from a stadium sized flat pack with an allen key, and then I'll start getting interested.
One of the highlights of this day out was seeing the huge number of souvenir hawkers at the bases of the pyramids selling huge amounts of various pyramid keyrings, snowdomes (???), letter openers etc to archaeology buffs. After all, nothing captures the memory of these giant ancient monuments of history more than a 2 inch pyramid shaped plastic fridge magnet made in China.
Obviously I wasn't able to support the hawkers income, as pyramid marketing is illegal where I come from.
A few other random photos from around Mexico City:
Mexican taxi drivers still clinging onto their bid for the next Herbie movie to be made in the capital. Plus who needs flashy extras like air-conditioning, electric windows, and fully functioning brakes anyway?
A native Mexican healer practising his ancient art. I wish someone would have told me that before I asked for an autograph from what I thought was a member of Village People down on his luck. How awkward.
It was also in Mexico City I found that if the Crap Elvis thing ever falls in a heap, Crap Mexican Wrestler is easily attainable ("around the world in a 70 peso mask").
Some people claim the Lucha Libre (Mexican wrestling) is just a scripted show, but on the night we were there, there was an unexplained midget in a blue monkey outfit in one of the corners. Now why would any writer think that might be funny?!
With this video, you can be the judge. It's a clip I found on Youtube of a tribute to the above wrestling midget legend called Que Monito.
Pssst...wanna buy a pyramid?
Well, I thought I'd seen the one "if you only see one historical site in Mexico, you must see this" historical site in Mexico, but by the time I got to the ancient city of Teotihuacan, it was already my third. However, people trying to justify me having to see it, kept pointing out that this one was built by the Aztecs as opposed to the Mayans. Well try explaining that to Arthur Ramsbottom, world spot-the-difference champion, who is still stumped. They're big, they're amazing, they look the same. Show me one built by the ancient Ikea-ans put together from a stadium sized flat pack with an allen key, and then I'll start getting interested.
One of the highlights of this day out was seeing the huge number of souvenir hawkers at the bases of the pyramids selling huge amounts of various pyramid keyrings, snowdomes (???), letter openers etc to archaeology buffs. After all, nothing captures the memory of these giant ancient monuments of history more than a 2 inch pyramid shaped plastic fridge magnet made in China.
Obviously I wasn't able to support the hawkers income, as pyramid marketing is illegal where I come from.
A few other random photos from around Mexico City:
Mexican taxi drivers still clinging onto their bid for the next Herbie movie to be made in the capital. Plus who needs flashy extras like air-conditioning, electric windows, and fully functioning brakes anyway?
A native Mexican healer practising his ancient art. I wish someone would have told me that before I asked for an autograph from what I thought was a member of Village People down on his luck. How awkward.
It was also in Mexico City I found that if the Crap Elvis thing ever falls in a heap, Crap Mexican Wrestler is easily attainable ("around the world in a 70 peso mask").
Some people claim the Lucha Libre (Mexican wrestling) is just a scripted show, but on the night we were there, there was an unexplained midget in a blue monkey outfit in one of the corners. Now why would any writer think that might be funny?!
With this video, you can be the judge. It's a clip I found on Youtube of a tribute to the above wrestling midget legend called Que Monito.
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Crap Elvis in ruins. (and other Mexican places of interest)
Somewhere on a Carribean beach in Mexico...
After leaving Miami, which seemed to be full of partying Americans on holiday, it was on to Cancun (Mexico), which seemed to be full of partying Americans on holiday.
So wanting to blend in (as much as a man in a ridiculously bad Elvis suit can), one night was spent in one of the wildest nightclubs in the world - Cocobongo.
You know it´s been a good night when a midget dressed as Beetlejuice flying above the dance floor is one of the more normal happenings of the night.
Midget and regular size Beetlejuices and a schoolmistress above our heads at Cocobongo.
Lots of people off their heads below them.
I have to admit that before I got to Mexico, I had a cliched image of eating tacos and drinking Corona every day. So far I´ve eaten tacos and drunk Coronas every day. In fact I now realise that the word coronary is obviously derived from said drink and should really be pronounced corona-ry.
However in a bid to eat something different one evening, I asked for the specialty dish, and was told it was 'tortoise'. I was shocked (shellshocked?), as they are a protected species where I come from, but I thought I'd stick my neck out and try it anyway. I have to admit feeling a bit disappointed when I was served normal meat in a roll. Apparently I was eating 'tortas' and not 'tortoise'. Easy mistake to make.
I'd been told I had to see the ancient Maya ruins of Chichen Itza while in Mexico, so I did. And guess what? I arrived to find out they were another one of the New 7 Wonders Of The World. That's 3 of the 7 I've already seen on this trip (giant Jesus in Rio, Machu Picchu in Peru) without even trying. How easy is it to get on that list? I reckon they just ask you if your place/thing is wonderful, and if you say yes, they ask you 'how wonderful?', and then if you say 'very', you're in.
This pyramid dates back to 800AD (around the time the Rolling Stones released their first record), and is actually a stone representation of the Mayan calender. I don't think they sold as many of these at Christmas as the ones with the photos of cats in hilarious situations.
Mexico accommodation. Lucky I went for the deluxe room then.
Somewhere on a rooftop in Mexico.
After leaving Miami, which seemed to be full of partying Americans on holiday, it was on to Cancun (Mexico), which seemed to be full of partying Americans on holiday.
So wanting to blend in (as much as a man in a ridiculously bad Elvis suit can), one night was spent in one of the wildest nightclubs in the world - Cocobongo.
You know it´s been a good night when a midget dressed as Beetlejuice flying above the dance floor is one of the more normal happenings of the night.
Midget and regular size Beetlejuices and a schoolmistress above our heads at Cocobongo.
Lots of people off their heads below them.
I have to admit that before I got to Mexico, I had a cliched image of eating tacos and drinking Corona every day. So far I´ve eaten tacos and drunk Coronas every day. In fact I now realise that the word coronary is obviously derived from said drink and should really be pronounced corona-ry.
However in a bid to eat something different one evening, I asked for the specialty dish, and was told it was 'tortoise'. I was shocked (shellshocked?), as they are a protected species where I come from, but I thought I'd stick my neck out and try it anyway. I have to admit feeling a bit disappointed when I was served normal meat in a roll. Apparently I was eating 'tortas' and not 'tortoise'. Easy mistake to make.
I'd been told I had to see the ancient Maya ruins of Chichen Itza while in Mexico, so I did. And guess what? I arrived to find out they were another one of the New 7 Wonders Of The World. That's 3 of the 7 I've already seen on this trip (giant Jesus in Rio, Machu Picchu in Peru) without even trying. How easy is it to get on that list? I reckon they just ask you if your place/thing is wonderful, and if you say yes, they ask you 'how wonderful?', and then if you say 'very', you're in.
This pyramid dates back to 800AD (around the time the Rolling Stones released their first record), and is actually a stone representation of the Mayan calender. I don't think they sold as many of these at Christmas as the ones with the photos of cats in hilarious situations.
Mexico accommodation. Lucky I went for the deluxe room then.
Somewhere on a rooftop in Mexico.
Friday, May 9, 2008
C.R.A.P in the U.S.A - hurricanes no longer the worst thing to hit Florida
When the travel agent said that to fly to Cancun (Mexico) from Lima (Peru) it would have to be via Miami, I thought it would be rude not to stop there for a week. And you know I hate to be rude.
First stop: South Beach, Miami
Having just come out of the Peruvian wilderness, this was a bigger culture shock than the day Victoria Beckham found out that "Cook Islands" is a place and not an extravagant recipe instruction.
Enough of the biggest, flashiest, sportiest, gas guzzling cars to give Al Gore 'An Inconvenient Heart Attack.' In fact they don´t have a ring road there, they have a bling road.
I think you get the point. But I loved it!
But it was strange that just an hour down the road, you could leave it all behind and jump in a park bench with a giant hairdryer on the back and cruise the Everglades looking for alligators. Every so often the driver would nonchalantly point one out just a couple of metres from the boat, so close that you could almost count the 80 sharp teeth staring up at you (which is approximately 79 more than what most of the local humans seemed to have).
"Houston...we have a problem"...
So then it was onto NASA's Kennedy Space Center in Orlando, where despite the thorough screening, bag searching, background check of your last 18 meals eaten etc, $29.95 worth of limp off-white polyester jumpsuit still made it through security. Their top scientists are still baffled as to how much sweat it can retain.
"Is that a 300 foot space rocket in your hangar or are you just pleased to see me?"
Actually I was thinking of putting fatter exhausts on it, having it lowered and installing a decent soundsystem, and taking it back down to South Beach, Miami for a few laps of the strip. That'll shut 'em up.
And of course no trip to Orlando is complete without a visit to Disneyworld...so I went to Universal Studios instead.
I bet those guys feels self-conscious in those ridiculous suits.
First stop: South Beach, Miami
Having just come out of the Peruvian wilderness, this was a bigger culture shock than the day Victoria Beckham found out that "Cook Islands" is a place and not an extravagant recipe instruction.
Enough of the biggest, flashiest, sportiest, gas guzzling cars to give Al Gore 'An Inconvenient Heart Attack.' In fact they don´t have a ring road there, they have a bling road.
I think you get the point. But I loved it!
But it was strange that just an hour down the road, you could leave it all behind and jump in a park bench with a giant hairdryer on the back and cruise the Everglades looking for alligators. Every so often the driver would nonchalantly point one out just a couple of metres from the boat, so close that you could almost count the 80 sharp teeth staring up at you (which is approximately 79 more than what most of the local humans seemed to have).
"Houston...we have a problem"...
So then it was onto NASA's Kennedy Space Center in Orlando, where despite the thorough screening, bag searching, background check of your last 18 meals eaten etc, $29.95 worth of limp off-white polyester jumpsuit still made it through security. Their top scientists are still baffled as to how much sweat it can retain.
"Is that a 300 foot space rocket in your hangar or are you just pleased to see me?"
Actually I was thinking of putting fatter exhausts on it, having it lowered and installing a decent soundsystem, and taking it back down to South Beach, Miami for a few laps of the strip. That'll shut 'em up.
And of course no trip to Orlando is complete without a visit to Disneyworld...so I went to Universal Studios instead.
I bet those guys feels self-conscious in those ridiculous suits.
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