I made an impulse buy of a $30 Elvis suit 3 weeks before leaving Australia in Jan 2008 to travel for a year.
It's crap....and now it's coming with me.
I don't sound like Elvis, look like Elvis, or sing like Elvis.
I am Crap Elvis.


World trip montage - Crap Elvis in 25 countries

Friday, August 29, 2008

Crap Elvis sells out - merchandise now available

Due to an abnormal deficiency of proper thinking, many people have asked me about a Crap Elvis t-shirt. Well to keep all the mental people at bay, I've teamed up with cafepress to produce some shameless merchandise. Find Crap Elvis t-shirts, mugs, bags and dog jackets at

www.cafepress.com/crapelvis or click any of the above items to see the full range.

And remember, the more you spend, the longer I'll be bothering people in other countries rather than yours. Reach for the credit card now!

Crappy Del Mar - Crap Elvis in Ibiza

So with a longing for the quintessential Spanish experience of tapas, good wine, rich language, walks among the olive trees, I realised that it would all have to wait as I found myself on a cheap flight to the Spanish Balearic island of Ibiza instead.

Known as the party capital of the world, I tried to restrict myself to going out just a couple of times in my week there. Granted the first time was for 3 days, and the second for 4 days, but I only went out twice.

It's an island where I spent 6 months DJing a few years ago, so I wanted to see what it looked like during the day. Unfortunately combined with this visit's nights out, it just looked blurry. However, to convince myself that there is a daytime in Ibiza, I dragged myself down to the world famous Cafe Del Mar for sunset drinks. With an amazing blend of chill-out tunes providing the soundtrack to the sun dipping into the ocean, there is always a huge round of applause as the final red blob plops out of sight. But despite that cheer for another sunburnt Scotsman drowning, I think it was also for the sun finally setting.
How easily pleased are Ibizan tourists?!!! "Congratulations Sun you didn't resist the millions of years old set orbit of the Milky Way. For a moment there, we thought you might bounce back up"

The island is of course famous for Pacha, Amnesia, Privilege, Eden, and other members of the Geldof family. It's home to the world's biggest nightclub, holding 10000 people and including a giant swimming pool in the centre. Now when was the last time you thought "shall I have a drink, shall I have a dance, or should I perfect my backstroke?."

One of the other clubs also has an art gallery in it. I spent ages staring at a typical Picasso - a man with one eye bigger than the other, lopsided mouth, nose half way round its face. In fact it was at least half hour before I realised I was looking at the bouncer.

The staff washing machine at Amnesia leaked a lot...

A recent pole suggests Elvis is still alive...

Another employment opportunity blown...

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Crap Elvis, Kerry and Bath (a saucy romp?...)

Err...no...it's just some photos from the latest trips. A day trip to Bath in England. And a few days in Kerry, Ireland. And to add to the disappointment, I can't even be bothered scribbling any notes for them yet. In fact if you've got enough time to waste gazing at this site, you can at least waste a bit more time making your own captions up for now. Feel the love.

Roman Baths, Bath, UK.

Kerry, Ireland

The Irish were a lot more open-minded than I'd expected...

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Couple of random bits...

Have been hanging around the UK for a couple of weeks before flying to Ireland tomorrow. Haven't scraped any piccies of the camera yet, but have been sent these 2 morcels of crappy goodness...

Was wandering around the Millenium Dome/O2 Arena on the weekend where the Red Bull Air Race was happening nearby on the Thames. I've since realised that if I really want to experience a load of people gasping at planes backflipping and narrowly avoiding near disaster in midair, I'll just book a seat on Qantas.
I digress. Lots of free time fillers and interactive entertainment around the dome, so I exploited it of course and O2 sent me this:

Also, it's official. I've sold out. After a stunning photo session with id7.co.uk photographer Craig Judd, who runs the recently opened i-printroom studio in Poole, he has sent me this photo of a massive Crappy rolling off their printer, on route to their shop window.
To see the photo in all its glory click here

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Le Crap: Crap Elvis in France

OK, arrived in Paris to a fabulous 1 star hotel in the Montmartre area and was immediately shown up 5 flights of stairs to a little cupboard where I could store my bag. A few seconds later, after being given the key, I realised that it was also my bedroom. It wasn't the biggest room ever, in the same sense that China doesn't have the most beardless women's swim team ever.
Fortunately most of my time would be spent on the stairs though thanks to 19 Century French planning not allowing for an elevator, but definitely allowing for the bathroom/reception/anything else I might need to use, to be located on the 1st floor.

So if you are a regular here, you would have already seen the highlight of the Paris trip, which was getting chucked out of The Louvre (see post and photos below). Was it just a case of one enigmatic smile too many in the same gallery?

However, on my way across the gallery concourse with French security, I at least made my point that it is an absolute crime that I get thrown out for my choice of clothing, yet hordes of European tourists are freely walking around wearing socks with sandals. Put that on your baguette and eat it Monsieur Couldn't Get In The Police Force.

Fortunately there were plenty of other tourist photos to spoil so:

Hunch Crap of Notre Dame

Arche de Triomphe: Police are still looking for the person who put superglue on the lamp post.

Crap Eiffel Tower. I allowed tourists to climb right up to the wig for just 10 euros.

After a few days in Paris, it was onto Bordeaux for a few days. A city which is in the middle of a campaign to become European City of Culture 2013. Whilst on a guided walking tour, we were taken to Europe's biggest empty town square. Right then, that will get those arty types from across the continent dropping their pallettes and rushing to reserve a flight for 5 years time.

On Bordeaux's Miroir d'Eau (water mirror).

Sigourney Weaver starring in "Crap Elvis in The Mist"

I was fortunate enough to bump into French President Nicolas Sarkozy. Carla Bruni really has liberated him.