Crappacino - Crap Elvis in Italy

As in most places I've been, I was going to take the P out of Italy. But then I realised I'd be left eating izza, asta, and visiting the leaning tower of isa.

Didn't stop me though, as soon as I saw this sign it was full steam ahead.

I asked (or askinged) the bar, and for 6euros you got Bill Gates, and for 8euros you got Nelson Mandela.


Anyway, first off a quick stop in Milan where I was refused access to any fashion catwalk, on the grounds that polyester isn't in this season.
Then it was off to Turin, where I would get a chance to see an ancient piece of history right before my eyes before it decays forever. Yes, I went there for one reason only - the Sex Pistols were headlining a free music festival. Fortunately Johnny Rotten had been carbon-dated before the gig and had been declared authentic (I think they found DNA traces of spit on him from 1977 which finally made experts believe it was the real thing).
As for that old piece of cloth they have in Turin - apparently some guy from a few hundred years ago faked it for a laugh. For the record, he was also the first ever guy to ask his kids to "pull my finger". Genius.

It was also in Turin that someone stupidly left a palace door open. It looked quite nice, so I popped in.

The stunning 10km mountain walk of Cinque Terra (Italian for sore feet..probably)

Tuscany - they really hate it when you ask them where the nearest 16 screen cinema multiplex and nightclub complex is.

Rule 1: Don't touch the 500 year old bells.

Rule 2: Don't fall down the well.

And they said Elvis never did country...

In Vinci. Birthplace of the painter. Hence the surname "Da Vinci", meaning "of Vinci". Hence his full name Barry Da Vinci. Barry's work isn't that well known, but another bloke's from the same town is.

Leaning Tower of Pisa:

Every tourist is legally obliged to take a hilarious "holding up the tower" photo. Unless you're the one actually taking the photo and can see the perspective through the viewfinder, the place actually looks like a bad mime convention with people propping up imaginary walls everywhere. Anyway, photos taken so was then allowed to move onto Paris where they know how to keep a good tower straight.