I made an impulse buy of a $30 Elvis suit 3 weeks before leaving Australia in Jan 2008 to travel for a year.
It's crap....and now it's coming with me.
I don't sound like Elvis, look like Elvis, or sing like Elvis.
I am Crap Elvis.


World trip montage - Crap Elvis in 25 countries

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Crap Elvis in Amsterdam

On an E in Amsterdam.

Well Amsterdam really didn't fail to live up to its expectations. I've realised why the city is so flat - it's because the Dutch are so laid back, they need a country that feels as much like a bed as possible.

Of course everyone knows the city's famous view on marajuana smoking - there's a few hundred "Coffee Shops" licensed to sell various varieties of the drug. And a couple of them also sell coffee.
What I didn't realise is that they'd taken a similar approach to magic mushrooms, whereby another strange naming committee has OKd the sale of shrooms from what they officially have to call "Smart Shops." Which explains why when I see cars that look about 2 inches long, and 2 inches wide, people tell me they're called Smart Cars. You can't tell me there's no connection.
Fortunately I was able to make quite a nice financial deal with a Smart Shop owner whereby he would sell a normal mushroom to a client, then 5 minutes later I would walk by dressed as Elvis, thereby convincing the client the hallucinations had just kicked in.

I was also there on a landmark first weekend of smoking being banned in bars, restaurants, clubs etc which was very interesting, and confusing. Rather than embrace the health initiative of the government, the crazy smoking frenzied Dutch (1 in 3 is a smoker) held smoking parties counting down to the second where they were no longer allowed to puff in that particular bar.
However, in an "only in Amsterdam" situation, it's only tobacco that has been banned from being smoked. Therefore if you light up a cigarette, you'll get yourself a nice fat fine, however if you light up a joint, you're safe. Yes, really. In fact Amsterdam has a team of smoking-ban enforcement officers ready to hand out fines, who, wait for it..........are smell trained to tell the difference. Now wouldn't that have been a fun day at the office, although I'm not sure much would have got done that afternoon.

Hang on....it gets better.
So smoking tobacco is banned in all public workplaces, shops, bars etc, which also includes the aforementioned Coffee Shops which now have "no tobacco smoking" signs on their doors. Are you seeing where this is going yet?! Yes that's right, if you try and smoke a joint with a bit of tobacco in it, you'll be asked to leave or given a fine. Only 100% marajuana is acceptable. Only in Amsterdam can you get legally penalized for trying to water down your drugs.

You can do anything, but lay off of my Yellow Oversized Clogs.

Crap Windmill.

Amsterdam is crawling with tourists.

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